


Name Day

by Drachenkinder



Series: Learning to Fly [3]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sibling Incest, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:49:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27798757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drachenkinder/pseuds/Drachenkinder
Summary: It's Thor's name day in New Asgard and the first public occasion Loki has attended, since his resurrection.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Learning to Fly [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1478801
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69
Collections: Best Thorkis





	Name Day

**Author's Note:**

> Not Infinity War or End Game compliant.  
> This is a stand alone story, or it can fit into the Learning to Fly series just after Recovery. Your choice.

It seemed to Loki all of New Asgard, and almost half as many mortals were jostling about the musty canvas pavilion they had rented for the occasion of Thor’s name day. The party was not formal as such things went in mortal circles, where the birthday of a reigning monarch was often a weeklong event. The Aesir preferred to honor accomplishments and birthdays passed mostly unnoted even among family members. But name days were observed, for a name told not only of the one named, but of his or her family. While a private affair for most people, royal name days were a time to remember the proud history of the King and Queen’s ancestors and for the people to display their affection and loyalty to their rulers with small token gifts. 

New Asgard had done Thor proud. Their king was much beloved and the Aesir were eager to show their gratitude. There was a plethora of gifts, some ostentatious, some humble, and a few of questionable taste, but most heartfelt. Thor had abandoned the high seat to circulate among the crowd and receive their gifts personally. It was a nightmare for his attendants who had to collect and catalogue each gift, but the people loved it. Thor thanked each giver with as much enthusiasm as if they had brought him the one thing he could not live without. 

He was presently receiving gifts of food, which custom required him to taste before adding them to the communal meal. Loki watched with some cynicism as yet another plate of sweet baked goods was presented to Thor. Having no other task to perform, Loki had appointed himself food tester. It took his mind off the heat and noise of so many people pressing around them and gave him a reason to keep close to his brother. Also he knew Thor, foolishly, would never consider one of the survivors might try to poison him. They hadn’t so far. The homemade fare was safe, if the quality varied from surprisingly delicious, to possibly edible if one was starving. 

The present offering was in the latter category. Loki smiled to himself as he passed the woman and her plate of iced squares onto Thor, who took a large bite of the beautifully decorated, but dry as bone honey cake. Thor’s eyes widened in distress, yet he managed to swallow the desiccated chunk and croaked out a crumb spattered compliment on her baking skills. She beamed and placed her plate of terrible cakes on the dessert table. Loki waved off any further such gifts for the moment and steered his brother toward the liquid refreshments. Thor glared at Loki’s smirking face, before draining a mug of mead in one prolonged swallow.

“You might have warned me." Thor said, and coughed out a few residual crumbs. He half drained a second mug and added. “You know I like honey cake.”

“Come now, brother,” Loki said. He cocked his hip against the table and selected a glass of dark beer. “It wasn’t any worse than those horrid boxed pastries you gobble down whenever we are in America. Better in fact, for I doubt the good woman has thought to fill her baking with ersatz flavorings and chemical colorants.” The beer was cold and bitter and a remedy to the cloying atmosphere of the overcrowded tent.

“Nor butter nor milk and perhaps not even honey.” Thor shook his head. “She has to be at least four thousand years old, how can she possibly have not learned to bake in all that time?”

“As she was once our director of mineral imports from Muspelheim, I doubt she ever got closer to a kitchen then when her servants brought her, her meals.”

“How do you know all this?” Thor asked, then he held up his hand. “I know, you attended the council meetings while I was off,” Thor made finger quotation marks in the air, “hitting things with my hammer.” 

Loki only smiled and took another drink of his beer.

“Nonetheless those cakes tasted as if she’d incorporated some of her mineral samples in the recipe. If you are to play the role of food taster you need to be more careful.” Thor gave Loki a grin. “Were I to choke to death, I should be just as dead as if I were poisoned.”

Loki’s smile vanished, his pale skin blanched whiter, his nostrils flared, his pupils widened and he went still and silent. 

Thor swore under his breath.

Loki swallowed and his tongue wet lips suddenly dry. “Well yes.” He said. “I see how that could be a problem.”

“Loki,” Thor started. “I,”

“It’s alright Thor, you can’t always guard your tongue.” He carefully put down his half empty glass and drew a shaky breath. “I’m not so fragile that a few words can harm me.” He took a napkin from the drinks table and wiped sweat from his brow. “However I am finding it a bit hot in here. If you can do without me?”

“Of course. Would you like an escort?”

Loki frowned, shook his head and then had to clutch Thor’s tunic as the pavilion tilted violently.

Thor slid an arm around his waist, supporting him as his knees buckled. “I told you that Dacian brandy had a decent kick.” Thor said loudly and laughed. “Maybe next time you’ll take my advice and stick to one glass.” 

Loki heard a few good natured chuckles and he managed to pull himself upright as Thor practically carried him from the tent. 

“Back in a bit.” Thor said to the crowd, “Got to make sure my brother doesn’t wander off and end up married to a horse.” He motioned to the following guards and they fell back a respectful distance.

“Asshole.” Loki said, as they left the feasting tent and emerged into the cooler open air. But he was grateful. Overindulging might be undignified, but it was a common practice and wouldn’t earn him anything but an understanding grin from the Aesir. Being so weak that he became ill if he heard anything alluding to… Loki’s mind stopped as the world dipped and greyed. 

He shoved blindly at Thor. “Let me go.”

Instead of releasing him, Thor pulled Loki’s hair back and held him steady, while Loki emptied his stomach into a nearby planter.

“If nothing else,” Loki thought, “This will lend a semblance of truth to the lie of drunkenness.”

When it was over Loki could hardly stand. Thor gave up all pretense of guiding Loki and simply hoisted him over his shoulder, holding him in place with an forearm across the back of Loki's knees. Loki hung head down, arms dangling, sweat dripping from his forehead and staining the back of Thor's tunic. This was not at all how he’d planned on ending this evening. Perversely he started shivering, as if his body couldn’t make up its mind if he was too hot or too cold.

“Are you alright?” Thor inquired once they had crossed the square and entered Thrudheim. 

“The view’s not bad,” Loki said, his nose a few inches from Thor’s muscular glutes, “though the position leaves much to be desired.”

Thor chuckled and patted his brother’s rump. “I like it.”

“You would.” 

An interior door opened and then another and Thor laid him down on a large bed. “There is no need for you to return to the feast. I’ll have something hot sent. Rest for now."

Loki turned his head and looked around. “This is your room. I shouldn’t be here.” He plucked at his shirt. The sweat damp material clung to his chest.

“No one will think anything of me carrying you here to sleep off a drunk. By morning most of Asgard will be too hungover to notice if I had half a flock of sheep in my bed.” He brushed Loki’s hand aside and began undressing him.

Loki was sure he could think of a dozen reasons this was a bad idea, but he was too tired to bring even one to mind. Thor’s hands were warm and comforting on his chilled skin. They were efficient too, and sooner then he would have liked, Loki was naked and Thor was covering him with the bedding.

He cupped Loki’s cheek and kissed his forehead. Loki made the effort and gave Thor’s forearm a quick squeeze. “Rest brother.” Thor said. “I won’t stay past nightfall.”

“But it’s your party. You always drink the night away with your friends.”

“I find I’ve little taste left for drunkenness. Besides, I’d rather spend the evening in your company.”

Loki nodded and watched Thor leave. Despite his exhaustion, sleep was an elusive thing for Loki, especially after an attack of nerves. But he’d at least try to rest. Though clean, the bed wasn’t newly made and the sheets carried Thor’s scent, as did the pillow under his head. It was as if Thor were beside him, holding him close. The blankets were heavy and the room warmed by the afternoon sun, glowing golden through the curtained window. Golden as Thor, Loki thought and closed his eyes. He was peacefully dozing when the door opened an hour later and a crimson skinned former gladiator brought a folding tray and a platter which steamed. Loki sat up and the man arranged the tray over his lap with one set of arms, than set the platter down with the other.

“Handy.” Loki thought and then bit his lip to keep from giggling at his own unintentional pun. Hysteria was just under his skin and he didn’t want his laughter to dissolve into a bout of sobbing. He forced a smile and a “Thank you,” to the fellow. The man proceeded to arrange the pillows behind his back and then draped a blanket around Loki’s goose pimpled shoulders. He displayed short tusks in what Loki hoped was a smile, and said “You are welcome.” in a clipped, high pitched voice. At which he departed and left Loki to his meal. 

Thor’s something hot, was thick beef and barley soup, warm buttered brown bread, honey laced herb tea and an apple tart. Soup and bread, tea and a simple dessert, was a meal their mother had the cooks make for them when they were recovering from illness or injury. Loki normally liked his tea dark and unsweetened, and he doubted he would eat half of the food, but this meal from his childhood banished his lingering edginess. Once he started eating he found he was hungry and he not only finished everything on his plate but emptied the small teapot as well. Using the precognition all good servants seemed to be blessed with, the ex-gladiator returned as Loki was wiping his mouth on a napkin and wondering where to put the tray.

Loki asked him his name and the man screeched a group of syllables that went past the upper frequency of Loki’s hearing. Before Loki could even attempt it he added, “but you may call me Jeeves.” with another flash of his tusks.

Loki returned the smile with the feeling he’d missed something, dismissed the minor mystery from his thoughts and snuggled back down in his brother’s bed. The voice in his mind that tried to berate him for his weakness, his uselessness, for the burden his continued existence placed on Thor, was silenced by the soothing feeling of a full belly, a soft warm bed and the demonstration of Thor’s concern. 

It was dusk when Loki awoke again. He could see the dying glow of sunset filtering through a crack in the curtains. He wondered if Thor meant to keep his promise. There was no reason for him to return early from the party, unless his statement that he’d rather be with Loki was true. Could it be? 

Loki thought about Thor’s actions. His brother could have had his guards or servants help Loki from the hall. It was his name day after all, and he had every right to stay and enjoy the well-earned accolades. He didn’t need to provide Loki with the socially acceptable excuse of overindulgence to save his pride. Once here Thor could have left him in a guest room or expected him to undress on his own. He could have sent up just a cup of tea or even nothing at all, yet he had taken the time to order a meal he knew Loki would find comforting. There was nothing grudging in his actions. Nothing that spoke of duty or obligation.

Loki turned on his side and clutched one of Thor’s pillows to his chest. “He loves me,” Loki thought, “and I love him so much I feel like my heart has broken apart and there is some strange creature taking its place. An infant dragon, vulnerable now, yet terrible in its potential. If he betrays me again, I shall kill him. And I shall die of killing him.”

Tears glittered in his eyes. “Thor, Thor.” Loki said quietly. “Why do you persist in loving a monster? Do you think a wolf will lick your hand like a hound if you speak softly enough to it?” Another thought occurred to him and Loki said. “Or is it possible you mean to let me remain a wolf? Will you let me run savage and free and live only on the hope I may return to you?”

“Yes.” said a deep voice from the shadow of the armchair. “I like you free.”

Loki sat up and glared at the dark bulk of his brother. “Do you like me savage as well? Shall you think it a grand thing when my teeth are in your throat?”

Thor rose from the chair and paced toward Loki, a monstrously huge silhouette outlined in fading light. Loki couldn’t help shrinking back when Thor loomed over him.

“I very well may. Shall we test that tonight?” His hands bracketed Loki and he leaned down until his nose brushed Loki’s cheek. A strangely threatening maneuver, reminiscent of an inquisitive bear. 

Loki’s heart hammered. Thor’s nose traced across his cheek, his beard both rough and soft, tickling Loki’s lips. Outside there was a low rumble of distant thunder, followed by the drumming of rain against the wooden building. 

“Tell me wolf,” Thor whispered into his ear. “Are you bold enough to bite, knowing you shall feel my teeth in return?” His lips were warm on the lobe of Loki’s ear. The bed creaked as he knelt straddling Loki and pinning his legs under the blankets.

In answer Loki bowed his head, brushed his lips over the stretched muscle of Thor’s neck and licked the bronzed skin, salt under his tongue. Thor lifted his chin and exposed his throat to Loki’s mouth. Loki kissed along Thor’s jaw until he could feel the soft pulse under his lips. Then he slowly, deliberately bit down, sucking a bruise into his brother’s throat and marking him with his teeth.

Thor exhaled with a shudder and Loki felt his brother’s fingers in his sleep mussed hair. Not to pull him back, as Loki first thought, but to pull him closer. Loki growled around the bruised skin, opened his mouth wider and bit harder. Thor moaned, his fingers tightened, tugging Loki's hair. Loki released the bite and shoved against Thor’s chest, surprised when his palms hit bare skin.

“Get off me you oaf.”

Thor chuckled and rolled onto his back. “Not satisfied even when I give you what you desire.”

Loki pulled the encumbering blankets aside. “Satisfaction, as I have mentioned before, is not in my nature. And if you think all I desire is a few nips at your throat, you do not know me at all.” 

In the dim light he could just make out Thor was only clad in a long robe, held at the waist by a cloth tie. He didn’t bother untying it and climbed on top of Thor, shoving the cloth aside to bare him from shoulder to knees. Loki’s grin gleamed in the shadow of his face. “Oh _Brother_ , how delicious you look.” He lay over Thor and spoke against his lips. “I see you enjoy my teeth.” He rolled his hips so his rising cock rubbed against Thor’s. “Shall we see if you still do when I’ve finished marking you?”

Thor’s response was a kiss, slow and deep. Loki returned it, his lips parted so his brother could explore his mouth. The exploration became mutual and the first kiss multiplied into several. When they broke apart, both were breathing hard. Thor’s eyes were only a soft reflection under his brow. The reflection disappeared when Loki raised his head and kissed each delicate eyelid. He kissed Thor’s beard downed cheeks and brought his mouth back to his brother’s. When the full lips parted in anticipation, Loki sunk his teeth into the lower savagely enough to draw blood.

Loki jerked back like a coiled snake from the blurred motion of Thor’s raised hand, but Thor only brought his fingertips to his torn lip.

“Fuck!” Thor said.

“I mean to.” Loki’s chuckle was low and wicked. He moved down and lapped his tongue, warm, wet over Thor’s left nipple. The skin tightened and pebbled.

“Loki.” Thor rumbled.

Loki held his mouth just above the hard little point, his breath hot on the damp skin. “Do you mean to warn me off?” His voice wavered. “If so I shan’t return.”

Thor took a ragged breath, let it out with a sigh. “No. I do not.”

Loki put his hands on Thor’s muscular pectorals and spread his fingers. “Are you mine Thor? Are you mine, half so much as I am yours?”

Thor’s hands laid over his. One traveled up his arm and across his shoulder tracing him in the dark. Fingertips brushed his throat, soft as a moth’s wing, then the palm cupped his jaw. “I am yours with all of my heart," Thor said, "and my heart is greater because of you.”

The admission was too much for Loki and he didn’t know how to reply. He couldn’t see Thor's face to judge his own response. The light was gone completely, stars and moon hidden behind the heavy veil of clouds. No other structures overlooked the back of Thor’s home, only the rocky climb of tree scattered cliffs. No light of house or business to twinkle in the night. The steady heavy rain drowned all sounds of the town.

Once Loki had loved the night. Loved to hide in its soft sable embrace. He'd loved coursing through forests under the star lit sky, or slipping between pools of midnight shadow as he went on his own secretive errands in the less traveled parts of town. 

But now, in the safety of his brother’s bedroom, surrounded by his own people and protected by a phalanx of guards, he trembled. He could feel Thor warm and solid beneath him, feel the calloused palm on his cheek. He could feel his brother’s nipple hard, still damp from his mouth, under his thumb. He could feel that massive chest rise and fall in deep, even breaths. But he could not hear the sound of Thor's breathing over the heavy fall of rain, nor see him in the encompassing night. 

Loki trembled from fear. Fear of things hidden in the dark and fear of losing what he impossibly now held in his hands. Fear that none of this was real and he was still in the void, hallucinating the last years of pain and terror and the madness of loving his own brother. His memory twisted like a sea serpent, one moment flashing above the waves of consciousness and the next slithering into the obscurity of the abyss.

“Thor.” Loki choked out. Thor his one constant. Loved or hated, but always there, until that fateful day when he let Loki slip through his fingers. On the bifrost. On Svartalfhiem. On the wreck of the Statesman. Thrice he had died. Thrice he had looked on his brother’s face as death clawed him into darkness. Thrice he had returned to a body broken and torn. This last the worst of all, even his magic was a thin tattered fabric of his former power. 

“I’m here Loki! I’m here!” Thor said again. This time Loki heard, the words freeing him from the tangle of his unraveling thoughts.

There was light. Soft yellow lamp light filled the room and chased the shadows into corners where they boiled away to wisps. Thor was holding him, strong and alive, and more real than the phantoms of terror which had flocked to roost in Loki’s mind in the darkness.

“You’re safe. You’re safe beloved. I have you.” There was blood on Thor’s lips and Loki tasted the iron tang when Thor kissed him. Tears blurred his vision for wounding him so.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Did I say something? Do something?”

Loki shook his head. “No. It’s not you. It, it was too dark. I couldn’t see you.” Loki said and buried his face against Thor’s chest. “I didn’t,” Loki trailed off, afraid to admit his madness to Thor. 

“I’ll leave the lamp on. Will that be alright?” Thor asked. 

Loki nodded, not trusting his voice to words.

“I’m here." Thor said again. "I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Don’t let me go again.” Loki whispered.

“I won’t. I won’t. Never again brother.” Thor's arms clasped him to his chest and Thor's hand rubbed up and down his back and Thor's heart beat a steady rhythm into his ear. 

Loki lifted his head. His eyes searched Thor’s as if he could weigh the truth of his words. “I love you.”

“And I, you.”

Loki shook his head. “I’m sorry I spoiled the mood. If you like…” He stroked his hand down Thor's side.

Thor furrowed his brow, Loki’s arousal had fled during his panic, and his had done likewise.

“There is no dire need. It has been a long day for both of us.”

“Your name day. I ruined it.”

“No, you did not." He put a finger to Loki's lips, silencing his protest. "You did not bring me horrible lumps of sawdust in the guise of food, or present me with an embarrassing novelty mug shaped like a naked breast. You didn’t use it as an opportunity to pitch your business nor did you regale me with all the shortcomings of living in New Asgard. You didn’t even insist that I hold your squalling brat for a picture only to have her kick me in the balls when I tried to return her.”

“Did that really happen?”

“Yes. I was quite surprised at the strength of a toddler’s kick. I’m rethinking my desire for children.”

Loki chuckled, then he sobered. “I didn’t get you anything.”

“You didn’t need to. You are my favorite name day gift.”

“And I can’t even properly deliver that.”

Thor raised up on one elbow and stroked Loki’s hair. “I didn’t mean having sex with you, I meant you, yourself.”

At Loki’s perplexed expression, Thor went on. “You didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“The first name day that I remember I was given two presents. Father took me to the vault, laid my hand on Mjölnir and told me that when I was a man, she would be mine.”

“I know that, Thor. I’ve heard you brag about it often enough. What does that have to do with me?”

“When Father and I returned to the royal quarters, Mother called me over to sit by her. She held a little cloth wrapped bundle and she put it into my arms. She told me, “Here is the most precious name day gift you will ever receive. You must love and cherish him with all your heart. He shall be called Loki and he is your brother.” 

Loki looked at him open mouthed. “You never said.” His eyes narrowed. “You aren’t making this up to make me feel better, are you?”

“It’s the truth Loki. You can check the records. Father came home from the war on the morning of my name day. I remember looking down on your little wrinkled face. You smiled at me and grabbed my fingers in your tiny hand, and then you blew a huge snot bubble out of your nose. I thought you were a thousand times better than some dusty old hammer.” He kissed Loki’s forehead. “I still do.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.” Thor smiled at his brother and love shone in his bright blue eyes. “It was a most impressive snot bubble.”

Loki hit him in the chest.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed be a pwp, but I missed that left turn at Albuquerque and we ended up with angst, feelings and side trip down memory lane.


End file.
